Living and Learning from Grandmother

Last October we flew to Columbus, Ohio to introduce Molly to her Great-Grandmother, David's paternal grandmother. [It happened during the Great Blog Drought of 2010 so there's no post, but you can see pictures here.] Taking the trip wasn't an easy decision, or at least not an automatic one. We knew that taking a 10-month-old on a plane could be problematic and plane tickets, of course, were not cheap. But we both felt it was important to go - for Molly to meet Grandmother as well as some of her great-aunts, great-uncles, and second cousins who live in Columbus.

I have a very small amount of extended family and wasn't geographically close to the family that I do have, resulting in a lack of closeness that I have always regretted. David has a huge extended family and has always been extremely close to them, something he wanted to be true for Molly as well. For our completely opposite reasons, we have always known that doing anything we can to allow Molly (and any hypothetical future children) to be close to our families will be not just a preference, but a necessity.

four generations of David's family

So we flew to Columbus and had an amazing time. We stayed at Grandmother's house and David's parents, sister, and her fiance came up, so there was lots of quality family time. My mom and her fiance even drove up from Kentucky for a trip to the zoo. It was a weekend surrounded by people we love who have been immensely important in our lives, and it was precious to see Molly interacting with them, too.

:::

Last Monday David's grandmother, the very one we flew to Columbus to introduce Molly to, passed away. She had been increasingly sick since Christmas, so it wasn't exactly a surprise. But it was heartbreaking none-the-less.

The sign at the bottom of Grandmother's stairs; I've always loved it.

Grandmother was an amazing women. Strong and loving. The mother of six children, each one of them speak of her with a loving reverence that testifies to what an exceptional mother she was, something I saw firsthand in her interactions with her first great-granddaughter, my Molly.

 Molly and her Great-Grandmother

In all of my discussions with David about Grandmother's passing- when we first found out, as we flew to and from Columbus for the services - the one thing that we keep repeating is how incredibly grateful we are to have been able to visit in October and introduce Molly to Grandmother (and vice versa). Maybe Molly won't remember the trip, but we will, and we will tell her all about it and how amazing her Grandmother was. We will show her the pictures and remind her how much Grandmother loved her.

:::

As a graduate student, I don't make a lot of money (duh), and I know a lot of PhD students who live in tiny, depressing apartments and never participate in anything that requires money. I am lucky enough to have a husband with a solid job, but even without that, I decided (in discussion with David) long ago that my choice to work on this degree would not and could not put my life on hold.

David, Molly, and I could choose to never venture outside of Tallahassee. We would still get to see a lot of our family who is generous enough to visit us, and that would leave us with more money in our bank accounts. But we wouldn't get to see all of our family, and Molly wouldn't get the experience of long car trips and flights to spend nights in her grandparents' homes and exploring the places that mean a lot to us. To me, that's just not living.

Grandmother lived a long, full, wonderful life. She lived to the fullest. And I plan to do the very same, even if it means that I hold onto my debt longer than I would want to. Even if I get behind on my schoolwork. Even if hotels make my nose dry. That October trip to Columbus might have been the best decision of our short parenting tenure, and I (we) plan to make many more decisions like it.